I've stopped day dreaming about my career, my education my artistic abilities, how much money I'm going to have, the car I want to drive.

Now I just want a little house with a fireplace, no phone, internet or telivision and enough money to buy all the books, coffee and cold ceareal I need.

There are so many facebook status' right now along the lines of "10 days til I'm back in the desert! I'm so excited! Palm Springs <3!!!"

I don't get it.

Its a little early, I know, but I'd like to send a big fuck you to 2009. There was good and bad, as always, but there was a lot of bad. No need to go into it, not gonna dwell, but for me in a lot of ways it was a big waste of year. I hope I've learned my lesson, no more letting time slip by while I work at a miserable job, live in a miserable situation, deal with miserable people.

I'm going to pay closer attention to what makes me happy and seek those things out. Funny how easy it is to forget that I am in controll of my own life.

Looking fully forward to the bright warm happy future.

I can't make this link fancy since I'm updating from my blackberry, but check out the 15 signs Bella is in an abusive relationship. Dating a vampire? Go figure.

http://kar3ning.livejournal.com/545639.html

And, what the hell, twenty terrible things twillight teaches girls.

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2009/11/twilight-lessons-girls-learn/

Both of these are reposts from someone on my f-list. I can barely use LJ from a real computer, am compleatly hopeless from my blackberry, so I can't call her out, but thanks!

Hiya.

Waiting at LAX for my flight to Reno. Airports are so weird. When I was little I loved them, because I flew so much alone and being at the airport made me feel grown up and important. Now I know I'm grown up and important though, so airports are just weird.

I cracked and bought the most recent Vanity Fair for the flight. I wasn't going to because its got that vampire guy on the cover and he looks like an incredible tool. The article about him quotes him saying how shy he is and hates the fame - right night to more pictures of him looking moody. I can practically see his ego from here. Yeesh.

Looking forward to Reno. I want to see my family and dogs and ride a horse or two. Its also a fact finding mission. I'm doing my should-I-or-shouldn't-I-move-to-Reno tapdance again. Maybe more on that later, but probably not.

I think I'm bording.

I know most of you guys are mature adults, but take a half hour and watch an episode of Phineas and Ferb. Its a cartoon on the disney channel. And its freaking brilliant.

Late to work cause I kept forgetting shit. All sweaty from the run to the bus. Pretty boring stuff. Anyway.

Going back to school (again) starting on saturday. Just one class a week, a portfolio development class at OTIS. I'm going to apply to 4-year art school (OTIS is my first choice, but I'll likely apply to a few.)

Concert mania this weekend (Cracker/Camper Van Beethoven on thrus, fri, and sat), and I'll be in the desert friday/sat. (Probably sunday too.)

Taking my car to the shop today (finally). What a relief. 3 months w/o a car is enough, thank you.

In vodka related news, I spilled some in my purse and there was some uncertainty about whether my phone would ever recover. The ObamaBerry is doing fine though, save that the "A" button doesn't work all the time.

Found my ipod! Didn't know it was lost, but found it.

I'm finally giving up on my wallet though, I haven't seen it since my car broke down. Kept thinking it would turn up, but no dice. I guess its time to cancel my credit cards (they're all maxed out anyway, so its not like if someone stole it they'd be able to get at my precious fake money), and go down to the DMV to get a new licence. The prospect of the latter makes me want to drink heavily.

I'd put this under a cut, but I can't seem to do that from my blackberry. So I dunno, if you don't want to read my TMI health post then don't. I don't even know why I feel compelled to, really. I guess I'm just bored. And itchy. I took a couple of Aleve yesterday afternoon and then proceeded to break out in this huge rash that covered my whole body. The worst of it was concentrated around my ankles, but I had (still have) red blotchyness everywhere. I took Benedryl, which helped, but made me stupid and useless. And the Aleve didn't even knock out the migraine that I took it for. And so much itchy! Everywhere! The welts on my ankles cleared up but my neck, chest and forearms itch like crazy. Wearing a shirt is like mid-evil torcher. I'm so bored of not leaving my apartment. Getting so stir-crazy. The benedryl has really fucked up my sleeping patterns cause it knocks me out for most of the afternoon, so I can't sleep at night. I'm afraid to take tylenol pm because of how it could interact with the benedryl.

Anyway, it sucks. Don't take Aleve.

I really miss driving.

Cigarettes are nice. So are 20 minute 10 minute breaks and late long lunches.

I spent all day yesterday taking naps and reading www.textsfromlastnight.com. it was one of my better days.

Things that are on top of my fridge:
-raid
-paper towels
-oatmeal canister steamroller
-collectors edition star trek pez dispensers (package of 8)
-beans (baked)

Sometimes I think that working the customer service retail sector has to be more degrading then sex for money. I mean, probably can't be true. I've never had sex for money and I'm not gonna start now.

But goddamn. Baristas are human beings too!

Everything I say is awesome and should be on the internet for people to read bask in. Twitter really reenforces this for me. Thats why I resisted for so long.  I knew I would love it too much. And I do. 

And my inability to write full posts worsens.

@zillahmonster.  I'm hilarious. I promise. And I wont twit as much as I want too (which is every moment of every moment).  I'll resist.  Only the good stuff.  

I'm no fun anymore.

I'm riding the 720 east right now, and was thinking about composing a clear, non cryptic post. Maybe talk about my day or my feelings or something.

Instead I got distracted by this: http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2009/06/16/captain-picard-day/

Happy Captain Picard Day!

Edit: In non-Picard related news, I wish you could see these two sleeping people sitting next to each other on the bus. They've both mastered the head-on-own-chest bus sleeping meathod, where the sleeper allows their head to fall forward, and maintains a level of body tension strong enough to keep from falling but loose enough to rest. You need a bit of mass in your torso to really make it work. Anyway, one has long hair and is wearing a t-shirt for some metal band, the other is an old woman. They bob and sway with the motion of the bus more or less in unity. Its hysterical.

"Its ok, I'll just high five myself"
"I'm pretty sure that's just called clapping."

Do you want me to tell it like its boy meets girl and the rest is history? Or do you want it like a murder mystery? I think I'm going to tell it like a comeback story. Cause when we left we were defeated and depressed, and when we arrived we were ripping high...

John Miller is a god among ipod repairmen.

Ryan Trask is a god among 185 song long on-the-go playlist makers.

Megan Smale is a god among sociologists.

Brittnay Murphy is a god among blood splatter.

Tiffany Carpenter is god of the internets.

Mark Smith is a god among people who accomplish things before I get out of bed.

Lately I've taken to introducing myself as "Zillah, like god."

I believe in us.

This is for you, Brittney Fucking Lauren Fucking Murphy.

I really want my facebook status right now to be "Zillah Emily Smith is a facebook stalker." but that would give it away, wouldn't it?